Sappy post warning. When I was 17 weeks pregnant with Ellis I was told at the end of my routine ultrasound that there was something really wrong with my baby. He was measuring under the 1 percentile. The doctor told me most likely the baby had a chromosomal disorder and there was a good chance the baby wouldn’t be viable, and we needed to start thinking about our options. The options were; terminate the pregnancy or carry the baby to term knowing he wasn’t going to live. That wasn’t something I was willing to put any energy into thinking about not knowing if there was something wrong with my baby. There were lots of tears, and I was in shock because I have 3 healthy kids, so this was totally unexpected.
That day at my OB’s office they did a chromosomal test on the baby, and we had to wait 10 days for the results that would tell us why our baby was not growing. Longest 10 days ever!! During those 10 days I kept my thoughts and energy positive. This baby was growing in my body, and I knew I had to keep my mind and body healthy and strong. I knew I had to manage my stress. Stress has a negative effect on our health and wan’t going to let stress and worry impact my baby’s outcome. I believe our minds are powerful and the energy we put out into the Universe comes back to us, so I kept my spirit and energy lifted. I shared the news with my closest friends and family, and kept saying I know everything will be fine. I wasn’t just saying those words I truly believed that everything would be ok with my baby.
When I saw the number to my OB’s office calling I could barely answer my phone. I was alone and scared knowing this phone call would have a impact on my life no matter the news. The doctor told me to her surprise there wasn’t anything chromosomal wrong with my baby. She told me she had never seen a baby so small without a chromosomal disorder. In that moment I took my first deep breath for 10 days. They didn’t know why he was so tiny and the diagnoses during my pregnancy was Intrauterine Growth Restricted. We had weekly perinatologist appointments and at each appointment the doctors searched for an answer or reason why he was so tiny, but week after week there was no answer. The plan was as long as the baby kept growing keep him in my belly. We set milestones 28 weeks then 32 weeks he was growing just slowly.
My husband Chris had been to every weekly perinatologist appointment wth me which was 40 minutes from our house. I felt anxious on the way to each appointment not knowing if that would be the day we would need to deliver, and I was thankful Chris was by my side. He missed my 35 week appointment due to a charity golf tournament. At that appointment blood flow had slowed to my baby’s brain, and the doctor was ready for me to deliver. I was terrified, but because of my mindfulness practice I was able to take some breaths, stay calm, call Chris with the news and be ok. This happened to be July 3rd. The perinatologist called my OB, and she wanted to wait till a particular NICU and Nursing team was available to deliver my baby, I guess staffing was down for the holiday. I was told to go home, lay down and don’t do anything. I was scheduled to arrive to the hospital on July 5th at 6am to be induced and have my baby. It was the longest 24 hours of my life. I was terrified that something might happen in that 24 hours and the baby would be stillborn.
Ellis was born by emergency c-section after his heart rate plunged while being induced. He was born at 9:11am 4lbs 3oz on July 5th, 2017 by an amazing team of doctors, nurses and anesthesiologist. It was a traumatic delivery didn’t go as planned and the doctor had to cut a “T” incision to get him out. I didn’t know any difference since this was my first c-section experience. My doctor filled me in on all the details the following day. Her exact words to me were it was the longest 5 minutes of her life getting him out. He was tiny and perfect. He had a 13 day stay in the NICU, and I never left the hospital. He is my miracle baby. This little guy radiates joy and spirit shines. He has taught me more than he will ever know. I write this post because our minds are powerful. I believed my entire pregnancy that he would be healthy, and managed the stress with meditation and yoga which kept my body healthy and mind positive.
Much Love & Gratitude,